Tag Archives: Female Vampire

DEADLY FEMMEPIRES

The Halloween theme was “Deadly Femmepires” and the party took place in an abandoned underground military facility. Jim decided to go as vampire hunter Van Helsing, complete with hat, boots and duster coat. The party was really nice; spooky atmosphere, great music, lovely people, lively dance floor. At one point a Lady came up to him, leaned over and sniffed.
Mmmm, She whispered approvingly, blood type AB … My favorite.
You guessed it right, he grinned. Awesome fangs by the way, couldn’t tell that they were fake.
She hissed and walked away.
The music abruptly stopped at midnight. One of the Ladies jumped on the man standing next to Jim and forced him to the floor. What a great performance, Jim thought, and started to applaud. Then a Woman flew at the throat of the guy standing right in front of him. His body twitched and shook and blood splattered everywhere. Men went down like flies and suddenly reality sank in.
Jim screamed and ran in fear. The bunker was enormous and he ran through a maze of corridors, down narrow staircases, through rooms, halls and offices until he reached a dead-end. The lights in the corridor were dim and flickering. He was panting, his heart was racing and he was sweating profusely. God, what a nightmare. He turned around and there She was, the AB-Blood-Type-Bitch, standing right behind him.
Where are you going? She smiled. The party has just begun.
Please, he begged, I wanna go home.
One more drink, She said, licking Her fangs. You have My word.

WHATEVER YOU DEMAND OF ME

Student Mircalla is in fact the resurrected vampire Carmila Karnstein (gallery pic 1). She’s the most breathtaking, most powerful Woman I’ve ever seen and my dick becomes taller than me. But then this guy called Richard scares the bejesus out of Her by showing Her a cross (pics 2 & 3). The bastard! God, I hate cruelty towards Lady Vampires, I really do. But then he turns the cross upside down and kneels in front of Her (pic 4).
I could have told them what I knew about You, he says, but I stayed silent. I want only to worship You, be Your servant.
That’s better, my boy! The cross slips through his fingers and falls to the ground.
I will do whatever You demand of me, he cries.
She smiles down on him with the superiority of a Lady who reigns over life and death (pic 5). She isn’t looking for a pet though, so She drinks him like Glühwein (pic 6).
It’s summer and the local cinema is showing these ancient old Hammer movies every Sunday afternoon. I’m eleven years old or so and I limp home with a high-explosive dick in my pants. The damned thing remained rock solid for 8 years, 6 months, 3 weeks, 24 days, 11 hours, 24 minutes and 9 seconds. I had to do a handstand on the toilet seat in order to pee, it was ridiculous. In hindsight the movie wasn’t that good, but this particular scene changed my life forever.

BAD BLOOD?

No, I don’t have a Bible, a rosary, a crucifix or holy water in my house. I never use any garlic and the only mirror is behind the door in the bathroom. There’s a sign behind the bedroom window saying: Female Vampires Please Knock – Blood Type A Positive Inside. I used to sleep with the balcony door open and the sign initially said: Welcome, Come In. But after four burglaries and some lengthy and heated discussions with the insurance company, I was forced to a) shut up b) shut the balcony door and c) change the text on the sign. Writers and filmmakers want us to believe that it’s extremely difficult for Vampires to get a drink. And yet, here I am, waiting for years and years, almost begging them to come in. They never do. Makes my blood boil, believe me.
Vampire Ladies are so beautiful and so powerful! They can seduce you, manipulate you, hypnotise you with one look, tear you to pieces or drink you like a rum and coke. Or! Turn you into a slave who is literally unable to disobey. How cool is that! Dying and breathing for Her alone, powerless to disobey and all that is destined to last at least a thousand years. Now, that’s my kinda Lady and my kinda slavery! So please, why don’t you try me tonight, Queen of the Night?