Category Archives: FANTASY

THE LOST CITY OF FEM

Saturday 15 July-22 July 1525
We made landfall on the northern tip of the island. We had been at sea for 9 days and we were glad to be on land again. We walked for days through the jungle in intense heat and monsoon rains. And then, after six backbreaking days, the city suddenly emerged from the mountain mist.
The City of Fem is, without doubt, the finest and noblest city in the world. It has beautiful canals, marketplaces (including several slave-markets), temples, palaces, taverns, shops, more than a thousand baths and the magnificent hanging gardens are each three kilometers long. The spectaculair waterfalls to the west can be seen from the city itself. The many, grand statues that are everywhere in the city depict Queens, Female Warriors and Princesses, but also defeated, suffering and labouring male slaves. Each square has at least three whipping-posts and several stocks and cages. It’s far more beautiful than Atlantis and it’s fair to say this gorgeous city is a modern version of the Garden of Eden. The city is ruled and governed by the power of approximately 150.000 Women and all 450.000 men are kept in slavery. So if you want to know what Female Supremacy and male slavery is all about, then visit the magnificent City of Fem.
Journal of explorer Abdel Al Mahnat (1492-1532)

EMPRESS HYTYMADONGI

They came from a planet called ▽Ẫℏ¶Ŧµ◎Ⱶƃ℥☋Ǜ (aka planet T) and we were to them what bugs are to us. When they spoke about their planet, we could actually see what they meant, because their words came with images! So cool! The universe is teeming with life, Empress ℔ (aka Empress Hytymadongi) explained. All planets are Female-ruled, because no civilisation in its right mind puts men in charge. Unless you like catastrophes. Young and virile men are kept in Reproduction Colonies; the rest is put to work. As nature intended. 
They left in the early afternoon, because they wanted to be home before diner. Our planet is roughly 4 light years away from here, the Empress explained, so it’s just around the corner, really. And yet it would take you people 137 thousand years to get there. Haha, you are so unbearably primitive. It takes us approximately four hours, depending on the space wind. After they’d gone, our President was quick to explain: Women on our planet achieved so much, he said, thanks to men! We gave them the vote, we allowed them to study, we granted them jobs. Women are like children: they look up to us, imitate us, worship us. That’s how it’s always been, that’s how it’s always going to be. Everyone cheered, even some Women. Our president is, after all, such a wise man. And so we remain the laughing stock of the universe for many, many centuries to come.

HUMAN FOOTSTOOL

Roman emperor Brutus Maximus was and enormous asshole who made Nero look like a choirboy. In the year 523 A.D. he ordered his troops to attack Persia, just for the fun of it. The lunatic. Persia was ruled by Queen Hot-Yummy the 3rd and She led an army of five hundred thousand boners ….. uh … I apologise, I mean five hundred thousand soldiers into battle. Not only was She the most beautiful Queen from here to Venus and back, She was also a strategic mastermind. Brutus met his Waterloo in the Battle of Susa and was captured alive. Back then they would throw you off a cliff or to the lions, or something drastic like that, but Queen Hot-Yummy the 3rd had other plans. She kept Brutus in a cage and used him as a human footstool in front of Queens, Emperors, Generals and dignitary. He was mocked and ridiculed, but somehow he willingly committed himself to a life of slavery. And that was a good thing, because he remained Her footstool for the rest of his miserable life. From mighty emperor to a piece of IKEA furniture, how about that.

HEADSCISSORS

Take Ana Conrad for example, better known as Anaconda. She lived down the street and Anaconda’d the bejesus out of each and every man who was foolish enough to put his head between Her legs. Legend has it She choked out an entire soccer team once, including the substitutes and the coach.
Appearances can be deceiving they say, and in this case, it was true. She was thin and petite, and much shorter in statue than me. I can clearly remember the first time She scissored me to sleep. Man alive, as if my head was stuck in a vice! I could hear a cracking sound in my neck and feared She was going to squeeze my brains out of my ears.
Ca…n…’t b.b-reathe, I squeaked.
I know, She giggled, isn’t it fun?
My head looked like a enormous jawbreaker (quite an appropriate name, under the circumstances), turning from pink to red, to purple. I was absolutely powerless to stop it, because not even an escape artist could escape this one. She could put me to sleep, or finish me off in the process. My life was literally in Her hands (aka between Her legs). Breathtaking!