Tag Archives: Lady Vampire

BAD BLOOD?

No, I don’t have a Bible, a rosary, a crucifix or holy water in my house. I never use any garlic and the only mirror is behind the door in the bathroom. There’s a sign behind the bedroom window saying: Female Vampires Please Knock – Blood Type A Positive Inside. I used to sleep with the balcony door open and the sign initially said: Welcome, Come In. But after four burglaries and some lengthy and heated discussions with the insurance company, I was forced to a) shut up b) shut the balcony door and c) change the text on the sign. Writers and filmmakers want us to believe that it’s extremely difficult for Vampires to get a drink. And yet, here I am, waiting for years and years, almost begging them to come in. They never do. Makes my blood boil, believe me.
Vampire Ladies are so beautiful and so powerful! They can seduce you, manipulate you, hypnotise you with one look, tear you to pieces or drink you like a rum and coke. Or! Turn you into a slave who is literally unable to disobey. How cool is that! Dying and breathing for Her alone, powerless to disobey and all that is destined to last at least a thousand years. Now, that’s my kinda Lady and my kinda slavery! So please, why don’t you try me tonight, Queen of the Night?