Monthly Archives: September 2019

FEMALE PIRATES

Female pirate Anne Bonny (c.1700-c.1782) was known for Her fierce and courageous temper. One day She nearly beat a man to death when he tried to force himself on Her. Anne’s lover Mary Read was also a notorious pirate. According to one of their victims they wore men’s jackets, and long trousers, and handkerchiefs tied about their heads: and … each of them had a machete and pistol in their hands and they cursed and swore at the men to murder me.
In 1683, buccaneer Laurens de Graff killed Anne Dieu-le-Veut’s (1661-1710) husband. She challenged him to a duel. He drew his sword (the imbeciel) and Anne drew Her gun (clever Girl). Laurens backed down (the coward) and proposed to Anne (nice move, dude!). They got married and She became a pirate and a fierce warrior.
Even a guy like Blackbeard was nothing more than a choirboy compared to Madame Cheng I Sao, aka Ching Shih (1755-1844). She was by far the most powerful pirate in history and commanded over 600 ships and some 70.000 men. She reigned with an iron fist and woe betide you if you broke the rules of Her code of conduct! Deserters had their ears chopped off (hear, hear!) and thief’s were beheaded. If one of Her men, a pirate for God’s sake, was caught having consensual sex on duty, he too would lose his head. So She was definitely not the kinda Lady to approach with a noticeable boner in your pants, because Her battle axe was never far away.

WHAT’S YOURS = MINE

She arrived with the sweetest smile and left with my Playstation in Her luggage. She just took it, because what’s yours = Mine and what’s Mine = Mine, She always used to say. So I had to buy myself a new Playstation. Which I did. But wished I didn’t. Because She was not amused when She heard about it, not amused at all.
What’s yours = Mine, She snapped. Which part you didn’t understand?
I … I don’t understand, Mistress, I said bewildered.
She slapped me brutally hard and my ears were ringing like church bells on a Sunday morning.
Do you think this is funny? She grumbled.
No, Mis-
She kneed my  balls against the ceiling and my scrotum exploded in pain.
You bought that goddamn thing with MY money!! What’s yours ……
Aaaah …… I said with an Eureka! look on my face, because only then did it dawn on me.
She grabbed my ear and tried to pull it off my head.
Ah, indeed!! You need My permission before you spend any money. Do you understand?
She ignored me for days after that, which was more painful than a beating. But I learned my lesson and never wasted my = Her money again.

WHO LAUGHS LAST ….

The work pace was slow, because Mistress was out for most of the day. And not surprisingly they started to brag, boast and joke. Because boys will be boys.
Scream before it hurts, one of them grinned, that’s my advice.
Hear hear! We are not stupid, someone else added, we are professional actors.
My “please-stop-Mistress-it-hurts-so-much” performance is worthy of an Oscar, a third one laughed.
At the end of the day, the first one said, we decide when enough is enough.
Masters of the fucking universe!
They doubled up with laughter. Suddenly they heard the sound of a car outside.
God, Mistress is back already! Clean! Clean!
Hello pets, She said with the warmest of smiles, working hard, I see? You boys deserve a break, wouldn’t you say?
The slaves looked at each other in disbelief. What the hell was going on he-
Ah … did I mention that I installed some camera’s? Look, there’s one right above you … and there … and there. State-of-the-art cameras with embedded image correction and sound recording. So, let’s check the camera footage to see what happened while I was away, shall we?

THE BUTTOCKS

Be careful with what you’re saying, that’s all I’m saying. Don’t tell your Mistress She has a magnificent piece of ass, for example. Some Ladies don’t mind, others will nail your rude, filthy and disrespectful tongue to the old oak tree. Cows have asses, for goodness sake, so treat carefully and choose your words wisely. There are many synonyms for the word ass; from mild to wild and from innocent to crude. The French word derrière sounds rather elegant, but I should avoid words like hams, rotter, stinkpot or crapper if I were you. Anyways, once upon a time I came face to ass (pardon my French) with a rear exit of exceptional beauty. The owner wiggled Her mesmerising buttocks in front of my face and my dick almost exploded. She ordered me to crawl behind Her and led me through the room, with my eyes glued to Her back pack. I would have given Her anything for sixty seconds of worship. It was not to be, because She pulled up Her panty and shorts and went into the bathroom. Why, my dick and I cried, why, why? Because, She giggled from behind the closed bathroom door, you’re an asshole!