Tag Archives: Human Dog

A DOG NAMED YOU

He opened his birthday present and immediately teared up when he saw the dog collar.
Am I getting a dog? Ohhhh, I have been dreaming of that since I was a wee boy. Is it a terrier? A spaniel perhaps? A poodle? A bulldog? Please tell me, darling, please! Does it have a name yet?? Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, what’s in a name, right? Ohhhh, I’m so exited, I can’t stop talking. You should have gagged me first, haha. You claw like a grumpy lioness, rule like a strict Governess … but underneath that facade of Female greatness and power, You’re such a sweet Woman. Bless You, darling, for making me so happy. Please, don’t hold me in suspension any longer! Where is it, where is the dog!
She looked at him as if he were a fossil of prehistoric times.
It’s in the room ….
IN THE ROOM!!!!!! he screamed.

He jumped off the couch like a flea with an itch. He kneeled down and looked under the couch, looked behind the big flower pots, under the cushions, behind the curtains, in the drawers.
Come here, you empty bag, She said. Give Me the collar and kneel down in front of Me.
Oh my God, he whispered in panic, You’re not sitting on the poor thing, are You, darling?
She ignored him and put the collar on his neck and attached a leash to the collar.
There you go! That’s My doggy. Say: WOOF.
The truth sank in with all its might. Unbelief en disappointment dripped from his face. Woof, he said, without a trace of enthusiasm.
Do that again and I have you neutered at the vets, She sneered.
WOOF, WOOF, he barked, jumping up and down and wagging his dick.
That’s better, She smiled. Now, it’s your birthday, soooooo …. how about some dog food!

AHH-CHOO: A DOG’S TALE

Once upon a time a Mistress adopted a human dog named Ahh-Choo (aka Gesundheit), because She wanted a dog to protect the property. He was not allowed in the house of course, because that would send Sissy Slave Sasha into a fit of hysteria. And so Ahh-Choo ate and slept in a dog house in the garden. Every morning he walked his Mistress to the train station, because She whipped, caned and tortured in a neighboring city. In the evening he would be waiting for Her again at the station. Each day, every day.
Then one day Mistress decided to donate all Her whips, clamps and dildos to the old folks home up the road (She had a dark sense of humor, man, what can we say), packed Her bags, drove to the airport and emigrated to Australia. Just like that.
Somehow She forgot all about Her human dog, so Ahh-Choo would sit at the train station all day, waiting for his Mistress to come home. And a year later, when the house got sold, he slept hither and thither. A hot dog seller named Carlos “The Hottest” Adams fed him, while Carla Morgan, who owned a soft drink shop opposite the station, watered him like a plant.
Believe it or not: Ahh-Choo is still alive and is still waiting for his Mistress at Hachikō Station (North Exit). Eleven years, eight months, two weeks and three days to be precise. Talking about loyalty! Please visit him if you’re in the area, OK? And don’t forget to bring some “Good Boy” Dog Snacks with you. They’re his favorites.

DOG TRAINING

She ordered me on all fours and walked through the room, with me crawling right behind Her. Commands came in quick succession: roll over, down, sit pretty, stay, play dead, come. Being a dog is a pretty exhausting business, I can tell you that much.

Wag your tail, puppy!

I wasn’t going to dangle my dick, so I showed Her my ass and shook my butt.

I see no tail, She said dryly.
It’s very, very tiny, Mistress, I said.
Big Mistake! She slapped me hard in the face. And again. And yet again. Like being kissed by a sledgehammer.
Dogs don’t talk, do they, Pluto?
I kept stumm, didn’t even growl. She picked up a dog toy, showed it to me and tossed it across the room. I wagged my non-existing tail and waited.
Fetch!
I crawled like crazy and picked up the toy with …… my hand. Jesus, Snoopy! Seconds later She rammed Her boot on the back of my head, holding my face down to the floor. She grabbed my hair and trimmed it. I got the point.
I fetched the toy over and over again, brought it back and placed it right before Her feet.
Next time we’ll bring out the dog food, She said.
I hid my head under the couch and whined.
Yes, it was a deeply humiliating experience, but I was as happy as a dog with two tails.