Tag Archives: Childhood Memories


It’s a hot summer day and sunlight streams through the cracks in the barn wall. The barn is two stories high and covered in dust, mouse droppings, cobwebs and God knows what else. It’s not a place for kids to play, but we do it anyway. I have a creative imagination and always come up with the best games to play. Today it’s going to be Cops & Robbers. And, as always, I want to be on the losing side of things. So Sue is the cop, I am the villian.
You’re going to arrest me, I say, force me to the ground and sit on top of me as long as you can.
There’s a silence. And then …
You always want to lose!!!
The tone of Her voice knocks the air right out of me. Her words have uncovered a secret that should have remained in the shadows. I deny it passionately and run with my tail between my legs. I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. What if She tells Her mother … What if Her mother tells my mother … What if they put me in some sort of hospital …
I’m just eight years old and I don’t know why I want to lose. Don’t know why I want Her to humiliate me. I only know I do. I need to keep my submissive cards closer to my chest, that’s for sure. No one must suspect a thing. And with that last thought I sink into a dreamless sleep.
Five words. Five simple words that would change my life for decades to come.