Tag Archives: Fetish Boots

CLAUDIO ASSHOLIO

Claudio Assholio is, as we all know, one of the most influential Fetish Sound Artists in history. His first album, called Knee Boots, was released on LP and cassette in 1981. The sound of approaching boots (side A), getting louder and louder, versus the sound of retreating boots (side B), fading into the distance, would be his hallmark for years to come. Red Boots was released in 1984, followed by White Boots in 1986. Same concept, different boots. But the breakthrough came with the release of the album Black Boots (on LP and CD) in 1993, which sold over 35 million copies worldwide. Then the boots were taken off (the single No Boots was released in the summer of 1994) and feet emerged. The CD Feet First was released in 1999, Cold Feet in 2000 and Tired Feet was released three years later. Silent Feet, Holy Feet came out in November 2008 and is still considered to be one of the greatest Christmas sounds albums of all time. Assholio’s first Face-Slapping album, called Slap Happy, marked the beginning of a new phase and a new sound with slaps on the left- (side A) and slaps on the right cheek (side B). Bitch-Slap followed in 2013 and sold over 28 million copies. His latest album will be released early next year and is all about kneeing men in the groin. The double album is called Wounded Knee. He may be an asshole, but he’s a fucking legend, man.

DON’T LOOK, DON’T TOUCH

What is it with you and your obsession with boots? My colleague Sakia laughed.
Your boots, I added.
Charmer, She mocked. So, tell Me then, what’s the deal?
Well … You look absolutely stunning in boots, Saskia, You really do. And the sound! God … the sound of Your boots on the floor is the most beautiful music ever written. Mozart, Beethoven and Bach are just scribblers compared to that magnificent sound. It’s a heavenly duet, a stunning serenade, a thrilling symphony.
Is it now … She slowly said. Be that as it may, John, but from now you will pay a € 20 fine each time I catch you staring at My boots.
Saskia! That’s stupid!
Nope. It’s fair.
I said things like “absurd”, “not in your wildest dreams” and “never”, but yielded in the end. Needless to say.
Thank God She a) worked only three days a week b) worked on a different floor c) didn’t wear boots all the time. It saved me from bankruptcy, because I couldn’t stop staring.
After a while She lost interest and it slowly petered out. Years later I convinced myself it was just a bit of harmless fun. But was it really? I paid every fine, and I was fined a lot. Never argued, never hesitated, never refused. And She took it, She took it all, and never gave it back. Not one euro cent. Thank God for that! Because- between you and me- I found it all extremely exciting.