DOCTOR KNOWS BEST

You’re probably suffering from haemorrhoids, my doctor said.
I was flabbergasted: Haemorrhoids, doctor? In my ears??
Yes, well, the human body is a mysterious thing, what can I say. Your fingernails grow faster than your toenails, for example. Weird, right? If you lose a nail, it will grow back. But if you lose your penis, the word ‘handjob’ will be a distant memory. The penis doesn’t grow back, you see? Sure, you can superglue a cucumber between your legs, but it’s not the same, right?
I opened my mouth, but She slapped it shut.
Not interested! Now, let’s get to the bottom of those haemorrhoids. Take your pants down.
I did so reluctantly while She put on a strap-on harness with a big dildo in it.
I don’t understand, doctor, I said worriedly, that’s a … dildo.
It certainly looks like one, doesn’t it? She smiled. It is, in fact, a flexible tube with a highly sensitive camera in the tip.
I’ve never heard of that, I said.
Of course not, you’re an idiot. Now, bend over and spread your ass with your hands.
I felt something wet dripping on my ass. She thrust in the dildo with force and pumped the thing in and out as if She was drilling for oil. I screamed in agony. She literally fucked me senseless and when the dildo finally slid out of my ass, I could hardly stand up straight.
Good news, She said, no haemorrhoids whatsoever. There must be something wrong with your ears after all. How extraordinary. So, let me push a rod down your penis and see what happens.

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